A hostage negotiator shared these 3 lessons with demolition professionals

Derek Gaunt, a former hostage negotiator and a communication expert. (PHOTO: D&Ri/KHL)

Derek Gaunt, a former hostage negotiator and expert in influence and communication, delivered one of the standout sessions at NDA’s Demolition New Orleans event. His keynote on tactical empathy in negotiation gave demolition professionals new ways to approach high-stakes discussions, from contract negotiations to resolving disputes on-site.

For those who couldn’t attend, this review explores the key takeaways from Gaunt’s presentation, explains his most impactful concepts, and assesses how they apply to the demolition industry.

A Different Approach to Negotiation

Gaunt’s keynote wasn’t a typical session on business negotiation tactics. Instead of focusing on deal-making strategies, he introduced tactical empathy—a method used by hostage negotiators to influence people in high-pressure situations. He argued that demolition professionals, who often negotiate in stressful environments, can benefit from these same principles.

He challenged common assumptions about negotiation, stating: “Negotiation isn’t about forcing compliance—it’s about making people feel understood so they willingly move toward your solution.” For many in the audience, this was a shift in mindset, especially in an industry where negotiations often involve strict contract terms, regulatory demands, and financial pressures.

Derek Gaunt, speaking at Demolition New Orleans. (PHOTO: D&Ri/KHL)

Key Takeaways from the Presentation

Gaunt’s session covered several techniques used by hostage negotiators that can be applied to the demolition industry. Here are the core tactical empathy concepts he introduced:

1. Understanding the ‘Threat’ in Negotiation

One of Gaunt’s key messages was that people resist when they feel threatened—not just physically, but psychologically.

“When emotions are high, rational thinking is low,” Gaunt explained. He pointed out that in many negotiations, one party perceives the other as a threat—not because of aggression, but because the demand/request put forward is being interpreted (consciously or subconsciously) as something that would result in a loss of control, autonomy, authority, security or decision-making power.

As a result, individuals instinctively push back and resist cooperation rather than engage constructively. Understanding this psychological response is key to managing resistance and guiding negotiations toward a more productive outcome.

A major takeaway was how language plays into this. Gaunt noted that phrases like “I want,” “I need,” and even “I would like” trigger resistance in negotiations because they signal a demand.

Recognising these phrases as negotiation signals allows professionals to adjust their approach and apply strategic communication more effectively. To counter this, Gaunt advised starting interactions with the other party’s perspective, using tactical empathy to reduce tension and build trust.

2. The Power of Listening in Negotiation

Gaunt emphasised that listening is the most underutilised skill in negotiation. Without it, even the best negotiation strategies fall flat, as understanding the other party’s perspective is the foundation for meaningful influence. He stressed that most people listen to respond, not to understand.

The most successful negotiators, he argued, practice active listening—a skill widely used in psychology, mental health, and counselling. It involves making the other party feel genuinely heard before attempting to guide the conversation toward a resolution.

Another technique he discussed was dynamic silence, which he illustrated with a striking example. He recounted a situation where a negotiator held a silence for 22 seconds, resisting the natural urge to fill the gap. The extended pause created discomfort, prompting the other party to continue speaking and ultimately reveal more than they had originally intended.

“Most people can’t handle silence—it forces them to keep talking,” Gaunt explained. “In negotiation, the person who talks the most gives up the most.”

For demolition professionals, these skills could be invaluable in contract negotiations, resolving site disputes, and managing subcontractor relationships, where emotions often influence decision-making.

3. Managing Resistance and Overcoming Standoffs

Gaunt explained that resistance in negotiations is emotional, not logical. Instead of pushing against resistance, he encouraged the audience to label emotions by verbalising what the other person is feeling.

For example, instead of arguing against a stakeholder’s frustration, a demolition contractor could say: “It sounds like you’re concerned about the project timeline.” This simple acknowledgment helps lower resistance and keeps the conversation moving forward.

Gaunt also introduced the mirroring technique—repeating the last few words the other person said to encourage them to expand their thoughts. This technique works because people instinctively want to clarify or elaborate when they hear their own words repeated back to them.

By doing so, mirroring reduces resistance, making the other party feel heard and encouraging them to share more information without feeling pressured.

How the Audience Reacted

Gaunt’s engaging delivery style and real-world examples kept the demolition audience engaged. Many professionals in the room were used to hard bargaining and contract-heavy negotiations, so the idea of leading with empathy was a shift in approach.

Some attendees expressed surprise at how much of Gaunt’s advice was applicable to daily business operations, particularly when dealing with clients, regulators, and subcontractors. Others saw direct connections between hostage negotiation techniques and diffusing conflicts on job sites.

Final Thoughts: What Can Demolition Professionals Take from This?

Gaunt’s keynote at Demolition New Orleans presented a new way of thinking about negotiation—one that prioritises influence over demands, listening over talking, and understanding over winning.

For demolition professionals, these principles can be applied in situations like:

Contract negotiations – Making the other party feel heard before discussing terms.

Dispute resolution – Lowering resistance by addressing emotions before facts.

Client and regulator interactions – Using tactical empathy to prevent conflicts from escalating.

While not every demolition negotiation is as intense as a hostage situation, the principles of tactical empathy can help professionals secure better outcomes in an industry where relationships and deal-making are just as important as technical expertise.